I'll come out and say it... I HATE been a stay at home mum...

I'm so sick of the freaking judgment!  From Joe Blogs to my own mother & husband to boot...  As a result of hating my job as a stay at home mum to 3 children (1 x  all most 5 year old & 2 year old twins)  the way I cope is been quite routine driven and...  This is somewhat due to our first child been VERY high maintenance as a new born and it was the only way we could deal with him. He still is high maintenance...  Then having the twins it was all I could do to cope with the 3 hourly breastfeeding that only allowed me 1.5hour blocks of sleep for the first several months of their lives...  I continue to try and do my best yet I feel like it's continually thrown in my face.

My husband flew out last night to Vietnam for work, so he'll be away for approximately 10days.  So with him been away I took the kids down to the local organic farm market this morning.  It rained overnight so I put them in the gumboots. Anyway I paid for my goods and popped them in the car then found one of the toddlers running for a huge muddy puddle, last time they did this they fell in the mud which resulted in mud everywhere, all over their clothes, all over me and all through the car.  So needless to say not something I wanted to deal with on my own whilst dealing with the other 2 children.  All I said was "No, don't go in the mud"  I didn't have a shrill edge to my voice, it was said in  a very normal kinda of why...  But I am obviously doing some sort of huge damage to my child...

You would have thought I was some sort of criminal.  The owner of the market was there as was my mother.  My mother proceeds to state "I don't know why she's like this"  WTF!!!!!    then saying something about it could be because of how she parented me, ummmm F*CK OFF!!!!  Maybe I just don't want to clean up the freakin mud!!!!

At the same time my mother is saying this, the owner is then telling me her personal mantra "this too shall pass"  and  to "breath"  ummm WTF...   So over this shit.

My husbands latest joke is that we have 5 types of milk in the house, excessive, yeah... but what am I supposed to do?  My oldest and I used to drink goats milk, as I'm not great with diary, he still does, the twins have a diary allergy so when I stopped breastfeeding them when they were 11 or 12 months we started them on rice milk then one of them has had heaps of tummy problems so we had to switch to Almond milk but the other one won't drink almond milk so they stuck with Rice milk, my husband drinks normal cows milk and I like to use coconut milk mixed with rice milk.  Hence he thinks it's hilarious and proceeds to tell his 'funny joke' when ever he gets the opportunity.  Which makes me look like a over accommodating twit and feel incredibly stupid.... 

It's odd isn't it, the only people I don't feel judged by are my husbands biological mother (AKA mother-in-law number 1) and step father...  Who would have thought they'd ever hear anyone say that!  His step mum (AKA mother-in-law number 2) on the other hand and my very own mother have got lots of opinions.

So what it all boils down to is that I need to do something...  I can't stand been a stay at home mum, I love my kids and do a great job of parenting them but this shit just gets to me.  My husband and I can't swap roles.  I've had a shoulder and hip problem which has hindered my work as a remedial massage therapist.  Even when I ran my own business part time the judgment of the other 'play group parents' was HUGE but at least the kids weren't doing my head in...  The carer/nanny that looked after the kids was full of opinions as well.  I stopped working 4 months ago and she moved on 6 weeks ago.  It's nice not having someone in your home that thinks (at 18) they can do it all better than you... 

Maybe I just need to start up my business again...  It's almost been like stuck in a catch 22.  Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't....